Three Places I do want to go and one place I don't

Three places I do want to go…

Phnom Penh - The Khmer Rouge were almost as bad ass as Hitler, but not many people in Britain seem to know much about them, or Cambodia in general. I'm not condoning genocide, but the fact it happened means that there are now thousands of AK47's littering the country, and the locals will let you get drunk and shoot them. You may think this is immature of me and you would be correct, but I have always wanted to shoot a machine gun and if they won't let me do it in this country under controlled supervision then I guess I'm going to have to go to South East Asia and do it there whilst inebriated.

Havana – Cuba is possibly the only place on earth where you can smoke a giant cigar while wearing a fedora and not look like a complete douche bag 1930’s Chicago gangster wannabe. The people of Cuba are meant to be super friendly. I watched a documentary the other day about how they all make their own cars out of scrap metal and other old cars. They looked pretty resourceful and drink lots of rum, which I have learnt are two attractive traits in a person. A country full of people like this can only be a good thing.

Ho Chi Minh (Saigon) - I don't give a shit how cheesy or cliché it is, if I ever went to Ho Chi Minh the first thing I would do would be get shit faced on Whisky and do Kung Fu around my hotel room whilst a fan whirred slowly overhead and the Doors played in the background. Then I would send a text to everyone I knew that said 'Saigon. Shit, I'm still only in Saigon.' If anybody text back and said that what I was doing was cliché or stupid, I would know that they were just jealous because I was going up the Mekong Delta to assassinate Marlon Brando while they were sat in England where it was probably raining.

… and one place I don’t

Sydney - Why would anybody even consider going to Australia ever? It is full of Australians and funnel web spiders. Also there are a large number of Aborigines that can't handle their beer yet insist on drinking it, who want to make sure you know that they are still pissed with us for sending all our criminals over there. Imagine how angry you would be if you had just got to grips with the fact that most of the animals where you live could easily kill you and then Ian Huntley and Dr. Shipman circa 1770 show up on your doorstep. No wonder they are angry. Australia is like a giant prison filled with dangerous animals and randomly occurring fires. Why would you want to go to a place like that?